Here the last few months I have started to doubt myself. Some things that I used to hold in high regard now hold no place in my thoughts or actions. In some ways I have developed a extremely high and dangerous"i don't care" attitude. I believe this is because I was worshiping my preferences instead of worshiping Jesus. Here are some instances:
Music: Use to think it was such an integral part of a "good" worship service. But we don't have any music and have seen almost 400 professions of faith and baptized over 160. So tired of the old vs young, seeker vs traditional that I am almost anti-music . Can't even listen to Christian music stations without thinking it's all about money and marketing. It seems "our" stations market just like "theirs". TIRED
Books: same as music. Loved to go to Christian Bookstores and just look or buy the newest book. But it seems that it is all about marketing what they want to sell. What we want is driven by what they want to sell. PLEASE
Bible Translations: NASB or ESV? Have had more soldiers read and respond to the Good News Translation. I thought my intellectual side plus the closest word for word translation would equal the Holy Spirit as the conveyor of truth. REALLY!
Position: Was so wanting to legitimize myself as a preacher that I almost left were God wants me to be a "real" minister. WOW
Southern Baptist: Was so excited to become a part of a group of like minded Baptist people. Only to find out it is just as political as I have always heard. Have had more speaking invitations with Pentecostals and Methodists. One from each.
Now is there anything wrong with music, bookstores, translations, positions or being Southern Baptist? NO! Is there something wrong with me looking to those things to fulfil me? YES! The problem is when I make these good things, god things.
So when we start to look at other things to drive our passion for God or lead us to His throne or to make us legit those things are shown in their imperfection. When a believer worships those things soon the light of the Son will show their imperfections. We become cynical, negative or indifferent to people, places or things. And when we do this we are no good to the Kingdom as a whole and our intimacy with the King is lacking.
This is also a time when mistakes can be made, not just small mistakes but big life changing sins that have horrible consequences. We can see Sampson, Saul, David etc that this happened to. Or this can be a time of repentance and grace, "rediscovering" the Jesus who we worship.
Thank you Jesus for allowing me to rediscover you!
Meditation: Isaiah 1 & 2
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