Sunday, October 11, 2009

Legitamacy and the Cult of Ministry or My Problem with Pride


Pride has often been a downfall for me. Now if you talk to most people that know me they would be surprised at that statement. The pride that I deal with is not seen outwardly but it is a pride that is inward. My pride issue seems to stem from the fact that I want to be seen as legitimate. Whether it was dipping Copenhagen or drinking beer while in high school to make sure everyone knew I was a legitimate red blooded southern boy. The Copenhagen and beer stayed but they soon turned into several other things that would show me legitimate to the world as a man. Those things did fade away and I had thought all that my quest for legitimacy would change as I came to realize in 1999-2000 that my identity is in Christ and He is who I am found legit in. I soon "surrendered" to God's ministry and ministered anywhere that would have me. Churches with less than 10 members in Arkansas, small missions in Idaho, dying churches in Alabama and Mississippi, anywhere that would have me I went and LOVED it! Soon I was offered a staff position at a fairly large church in of the top 5 churches in the denomination I was a part of. I took it and really enjoyed my time until people from other churches, pastors, staff members, missionaries, etc. started to question my lack of education, make fun of me being single or call me a lackey because I preformed menial tasks that no one else did.

Then it happened, PRIDE. I was not a legitimate minister to these men and I must have that label, legitimacy. I did get a BA and more than that a wife (a gift from heaven). It was amazing how people saw me as more of a minister. Soon I took my first church and now I was a real minister, a senior pastor. Soon came a MAR and an MDIV, military ministry and other things that make a minister legit. I had came to grips with who I was theologically and because of that I switched denominations to the SBC. Now I find that pride coming back. I no longer am asked to preach, the revivals and camps that used to call on me have lost my number. Churches do not call, even on July 4th or Veterans Day ceremonies and I was the only SBC Army chaplain in the state. I have had over 300 professions of faith and have baptized 89 soldiers this year alone. I find myself becoming conceded and prideful instead of humbled and grateful. I start thinking why don't I get a chance to be somebody? What a scary thing to put down! One church said I didn't have the experience they needed. My pride rose up and screamed, "I oversee over 1000 people in my positions as a Army Chaplain. You have less than 100 in your church WHAT DO YOU MEAN!


It is a horrible feeling to see what is going on. I am trying to legitimize myself in a denomination that seems to want you to do exactly that. I am a nobody until I become legit in most people's eyes. I could get my DMIN or I could push the numbers we are seeing at Camp, but I am tired of it all. I am tired of the sin of pride and the need to be legit in peoples eyes. Jesus is enough, He is my Messiah, my Intercessor, my Reconciler, my Ransom, my King. Why should I care what the culture of ministry says I should be?


Forgive me Father, a sinner who wants people to worship me instead of You. A man who worships himself before you, I am sorry and I repent of this grievous sin. Let me hide these words of Yours in my heart so I won't sin against you: But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even raise His eyes to heaven but kept striking his chest and saying, 'God turn Your wrath from me-a sinner!' I tell you this one went down to his house justified rather ta the other; because everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.

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